Surviving the Five Stages of Ticketmaster Grief

Courtesy of images.1233.tw
Courtesy of images.1233.tw

If you haven’t been living under a rock for the last week, you probably know by now that tickets went on presale this morning for Taylor Swift’s 1989 World Tour. And if you haven’t been completely cut off from the world for the last fifteen years, you also probably know by now how much Ticketmaster sucks to deal with.

At 9:59 AM, millions of girls, boys, parents, boyfriends, and your 11th grade math teacher logged on to Ticketmaster to try to claim tickets for this show. This might be how it went for some of the unlucky few.

Stage 1: Denial and Isolation: You sit at your desk, idly refreshing the Ticketmaster website in case they go on sale a minute early. You’re feeling a little feverish and starting to think it can’t be possible you won’t get tickets. It’s just completely implausible. You sequester yourself in your office at work, screening your phone calls while keeping an eye on the clock. If your boss knocks on the door, who cares? You’ve got a job to do. And it’s to buy Taylor Swift tickets.

Courtesy of galleryhip.com
Courtesy of galleryhip.com

Stage 2: Anger: WHY IS TICKETMASTER NOT LOADING? WHY DOES IT KEEP GIVING ME AN ERROR? WHY AM I SUDDENLY SOBBING? I’M A FULLY-GROWN ADULT MALE BUT I REALLY WANTED THESE TICKETS.

Courtesy of huffingtonpost.fr
Courtesy of huffingtonpost.fr

Stage 3: Bargaining: You’re muttering to your computer screen right now, pleading with the rainbow wheel of death on your Mac to please stop spinning. The site has frozen; your entire computer has lurched to a halt. You know that the IT department is phoning it in today because it’s Friday. But you seriously would trade your first-born for your machine to start working. Right now. You consider selling a kidney on the black market if you can’t acquire tickets the normal way. Someone out there would be willing to trade you nosebleed seats, right?

Courtesy of amazingcatechists.com
Courtesy of amazingcatechists.com

Stage 4: Depression: Everyone on Twitter is buzzing about their newly purchased tickets. You’re following the hashtag for #TS1989 and it’s making you so upset. Girls half your age are snapping selfies with their email confirmations, and you’re just sinking farther and farther into despair. Life’s not even worth it anymore. That pile of work on your desk that you were supposed to be getting to is useless. Everything is useless now.

Courtesy of Alamy
Courtesy of Alamy

Stage 5: Acceptance: You didn’t get tickets from Ticketmaster. An unfortunate series of events occurred, and it just wasn’t in the cards for you. Your next bet is to try for the normal on-sale date, and hope for the best. If that doesn’t work, you’ll enter a bunch of local radio contests and hope you’ll win the grand prize- tickets to the show AND a backstage pass. Life can be good again.

Courtesy of knightcarpetcleaning.org
Courtesy of knightcarpetcleaning.org
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