When its time to apologize to someone, especially a lover, sometimes you just have to sing it! When that happens, you might end up writing a catchy song. But what happens if that song doesn’t go over well as an actual apology? The five favorites that follow are some of the best worst apologies your lover doesn’t want to hear. Ready to dig a deeper hole?
Number Five: Robin Thicke – Get Her Back. Robin Thicke wrote this masterpiece of self-absorbedness for “Paula”, an album named after his estranged wife. “Get Her Back” is a mash-up of cliched woulda shoulda coulda lost lover sentiment sung in an unapologetic, falsely sentimental, blase bleeding heart style. It’s almost as if he’s trying to make her feel guilty! “I kept trying to warn you you were pushing me too far,” he drips. Really?! Thats not how you tell someone you love that you’re sorry for cheating on them. What you seem to have just said to them was, “Baby, It’s your fault I cheated.” Let the guilt-trip commence.
Number Four: Usher – Confessions Part 2. Usher sings “Confessions Part 2” soulfully and extremely well, but once again, we have a gentleman apologizing to Lady Number One for cheating on her, and in this case, for knocking up Lady Number Two (who he barely knows). That’s ok though, because he spends the other half of the song guilting Lady Number One into not breaking up with him because, hey, at least he told her the truth. He opens with, “Just when I thought I said all I could say / My chick on the side said she got one on the way,” which means, Usher, that you’ve already apologized for a bunch of things you’ve done wrong, but now there’s more? And it’s this kind of heavy stuff? Weird Al was right about you – you’re straight silly if you think she’s sticking around after this.
Number Three: Elton John/Bernie Taupin – Sorry Seems to Be the Hardest Word. Oh Elton. Elton, it’s not an apology if you don’t, well, say “sorry.” It is indeed a “sad, sad situation,” if neither person can actually bring themselves to say they’re sorry for hurting each other. Your recurring line, “What have I got to do to..” doesn’t exactly make it sound like you even know what you’re supposedly apologizing for. “Sorry” doesn’t count if you don’t know why you’re saying it. Kudos for asking some difficult questions, but I don’t believe you’ll get an answer without a proper apology. “What have I got to do to make you love me?” Say, “I’m sorry?”
Number Two: Bob Dylan – One of Us Must Know (Sooner or Later). Points, Bob, for actually apologizing this time! However, all along the way you contradict everything you start out saying. “I didn’t mean to treat you so bad / You shouldn’t take it so personal / I didn’t mean to make you so sad / You just happened to be there, that’s all,” might explain why she’s clawing your eyes out towards the end of the song, wouldn’t it? Perhaps this was just a miscommunication. Your sense of urgency is lacking, however, and that doesn’t come off as being too sincere.
Number One: Weird Al Yankovic – I was Only Kidding. All joking aside, ouch. “When I told you that I loved you / With those tender words I spoke / I was only kidding / Now, can’t you take a joke?” That’s just mean, Al. It’s only funny till somebody gets hurt, and you even admitted, “Well, I guess it probably hurts you a lot, but you gotta know / I was only kidding.” You hurt our feel-bads. Dylan’s girl clawed his eyes; your girl picked up a gun. Shall we think about why, Al? At least you’re honest.