There are all sorts of taboos surrounding sex, but some sex stories go beyond taboo territory and into the straight up weird. Well, we have eight stories of people who have had sex with unexpected objects – or animals – and were either caught in the act or unknowingly documented. Check them out for yourself below, but don’t expect anything close to 50 Shades of Grey. There’s nothing sexy about these eight hilarious sex stories.
Number Eight: A Snake. One cheeky man thought it would be a good idea to have sex with a large, live snake and film himself in the act. He uploaded the video on YouTube, where it was shared millions of times. He has never been identified.
Number Seven: A Picnic Table. And an ATM! Lonnie Hutton decided to get drunk in a Tennessee bar and strip naked. He was so aroused that he jumped on the closest thing to him – an ATM. After being kicked out of the bar by cops, he ran to the closest thing he could, which just so happened to be a picnic table. That poor, poor picnic table.
Number Six: A Pool Noodle. On not one, but five occasions, Edwin Tobergta was caught having sex with inanimate objects in public. On three instances, he was caught on the side of the road having sex with pool noodles, and in 2002, he even pleasured himself with a pumpkin.
Number Five: A Car. Edward Smith is not ashamed of his sexual attraction to cars. He has allegedly had sex with over 1,000 cars, and his favorite is a pink Volkswagen Beetle named “Vanilla.” We won’t ask why.
Number Four: A Mannequin. This story is much more strange than sexual. One anonymous man decided to break into a store, but instead of stealing money, he sexually assaulted a mannequin. He wore his shirt over his head as he masturbated furiously against the mannequin. He never stole anything and was never caught.
Number Three: A Dolphin. In the 1960s, researcher Margaret Howe Lovatt was part of a study that attempted to teach dolphins how to speak English. The dolphin Lovatt spent time with was named Peter, and decades later, Lovatt admitted that her relationship with Peter developed into a sexual one after spending a lot of time together.
Number Two: Ghosts. In terms of strange sex stories, spectrophilia, or a sexual attraction to ghosts, is quite common. Celebrities such as Lucy Liu, Anna Nicole Smith, Ke$ha and Dan Akroyd have admitted to having sexual relationships with ghosts.
Number One: Cheese. Finally, Christopher Pagano got off on gouda. Actually, what he liked to do was pay women to watch him have sex with swiss cheese. One woman was so weirded out by his strange desire that she called the police and had him arrested.