We’ve all been there – stuck at a house party, in a room full of people you don’t know, sharing the corner with a guy who won’t stop ranting to you about Area 51 and the Roswell incident. Or maybe you’re on an empty subway car going home in the middle of the night, and a guy that smells like stale milk sits next to you to tell you all about who really killed JFK and John Lennon. Yes, we’ve all met conspiracy theorists that say some pretty ridiculous things, and if you’re a gullible music nerd like me, you may find yourself rolling the possibilities over in your head. I start asking far too many questions and eventually find myself falling into a YouTube black hole that takes me well into the early morning, trying to piece all of the facts together like some sort of criminal detective.
So here are top 10 of the dumbest conspiracy theories about music artists that I’ve come across. I’ve stayed up all night wondering about Lady Gaga’s sexuality so you wouldn’t have to. Don’t worry, you can thank me later.
Number Ten: Tupac still lives. Rapper Tupac Shakur was gunned down in a drive-by and died on September 13, 1996. Being one of the most iconic musicians of all time, it’s confusing to think that nearly 20 years later, we still don’t know who killed Pac or the whereabouts of his remains. To add even more fuel to the flames, Suge Knight told TMZ last year that Tupac wasn’t dead and was probably, “smoking a Cuban cigar on an island somewhere.”
Number Nine: Kurt Cobain was murdered. On April 8, 1994, the Nirvana singer and guitarist was found dead in his home from what appeared to be a self-inflicted shotgun wound. Tom Grant, a private investigator hired by Cobain’s wife, Courtney Love, to find Cobain who was missing a few days prior to his death, believes to this day that his death was a homicide based on a ton of loose evidence. El Duce, bandleader of the Mentors, claimed Love offered him $50,000 to kill Cobain, which he declined but claimed to know who took the offer. Unfortunately, he died shortly after giving away these assertions in the documentary film, Kurt & Courtney. So much of this reeks of mystery, but with years of battling drug addiction and mental illness, the suicide verdict still reigns supreme.
Number Eight: Beyoncé was never preggo. After a talk show appearance back in October 2011 where Bey’s pregnant stomach seemed to do a summersault as she was sitting down, the internet has been exploding with gossip of Beyoncé’s pregnancy being a fake. Shortly after the birth of her daughter Blue Ivy, a woman only known as “Tina Seal” filed a lawsuit claiming to be the surrogate mother. Of course, Ms. Seal is also on record for having filed the same lawsuit against Kim Kardashian and Mariah Carey.
Number Seven: Dr. Dre started Burning Man. Word around the campfire is that back in 1995 when Dr. Dre was scouting locations to shoot the “California Love” music video with 2Pac, he came up with the idea that would become known as the annual Burning Man festival. Unfortunately, Burning Man was started in San Francisco’s Baker Beach back in 1986, but many speculate that Dr. Dre, to this day, helps fund the event in some way. You can find out the truth at drdrestartedburningman.tumblr.com
Number Six: Andrew W.K. is a fake. Andrew W.K. broke out on the music scene with help from his unforgettable stage presence and iconic album cover from his first release, “I Get Wet.” After releasing his second record, he seemed to drop the mic and begin his new career as a motivational speaker. An internet troll by the name of Steev Mike, whose only relevance comes from his executive producer credit on “I Get Wet,” has vowed to destroy W.K., claiming Andrew is a fake, manufactured rock star. While some aspects of his claims have been found out to be true, many have gone so far to believe that the Andrew W.K. we all know today is somehow a doppelganger.
Number Five: Paul McCartney is dead. After a rumor got around that McCartney had died in a car accident in London back in 1967, this urban legend has been floating around ever since. Many claim that “Revolution 9” from their White Album, played backward, reveals the message “turn me on, dead man,” and that the cover for Abbey Road is the band symbolized as a funeral procession. The most interesting of clues can be found in the final few seconds of the classic song, “Strawberry Fields Forever,” where John Lennon can clearly be heard saying, “I buried Paul.” He claims to have said, “cranberry sauce,” but we know the truth, Mr. Lennon.
Number Four: Michael Jackson’s death vs. Iranian Revolution. In his Showtime Comedy Special, For What It’s Worth, Dave Chappelle made a good point – “Every time there’s war going out of control, the economy gets bad or there’s something wrong with the world at large it’s always these moments in history that Michael Jackson will coincidentally jerk off a kid.” As hysterically ridiculous as this joke is, many believe that Michael Jackson’s death was orchestrated by some nefarious group in order to prevent an Iranian revolution. Twitter was blowing up with talks of an Iranian revolution until Jackson’s death took social media by storm. It couldn’t have been just a simple coincidence…. Could it?
Number Three: The Illuminati. This super-secret shadow society has been the topic of conspiracy theorists everywhere for years, but as the world of music becomes more mainstream and dictated by money, many start to question the integrity of certain artists. Claims that rappers such as Jay Z and Drake being illuminati puppets are littered all over the internet, and YouTube videos have even been made dissecting Michael Jackson videos that contain hidden messages about his ongoing battles against the forces that pull all the strings. That must be why they sacrificed him to calm the Iranians. It’s all beginning to make sense now!
Number Two: Lady Gaga is a man. Gaga has always been known as something of a fashion icon, constantly pushing the envelope with her eccentric outfits that captures the attention of audiences all over. So is it really that hard to think that that bulge in her downstairs mixup region of any photo might just be something of a “wardrobe malfunction”? Any guy can attest to owning a pair of jeans that makes it look like he has a boner when he sits a certain way. It has been thoroughly proven that Stefani Germonatta was, and still is, a female.
Number One: The Dark Side of the Rainbow. Many have heard this classic urban legend that if you begin playing Pink Floyd’s Dark Side of the Moon during the 3rd roar of the MGM lion at the opening of the classic film The Wizard of Oz, the music and film synch up in many places. While doing this is quite a fun experiment with interesting results, it’s obvious, and the band has previously claimed, that this was not unintentional. It should be mentioned that although not perfect, the synchronizing elements with the psychedelic backdrop are perfect elements to send any day-tripper into an Oz of his or her own.