Nobody wants to be the destroyer of their love life, but you might hold part of the blame if you have been repeatedly making these relationship mistakes. No need to fear- your love doctor is here. By fixing these relationship-killing mistakes you probably didn’t even realize you were making, you will find yourself in much happier, steady relationships. Here are five of the most common relationship mistakes you can make, along with explanations of how they can ruin your relationship.
Number Five: Comparing Yourself to Exes. The best part about falling in love is that once you do, you never have to be anybody but yourself. Regardless, you should be yourself all the time, but let’s face it, we all do some pretty weird stuff to be accepted. Speaking in terms of both love and life in general, you should never ever (ever!) compare yourself to others. You are simply setting yourself up for disappointment. On the bright side, your significant other’s exes will never be you. Everyone has their own amazing, desirable qualities and their own flaws. Embrace yours.
When you find yourself comparing yourself to others in a relationship, just remember that your partner chose you for a reason. Obviously, they love you for all of your good parts and the bad. If you find that your partner isn’t completely satisfied and wants more from you, then you should continue your search for love. They aren’t the one for you, and somewhere in the world awaits your perfect match.
Number Four: Sex on the First Date. It’s tempting, we know, but don’t do it. It might make you happy for the night, but giving it all away on the first date isn’t going to cure your relationship blues. The first issue with this habit is that you’re choosing to put yourself in a situation where you can easily be taken advantage of. This will not only set back your journey to finding love, but will also progressively diminish your self-esteem. The second issue with this practice is that it will be harder for you to come to know the person with whom you’ve just become so suddenly intimate. This crucial step in a relationship should be taken after ample time has passed, so you are able to familiarize yourselves with each other and know if you have a possible future and mutual attraction. Sex isn’t all about just hormones, and allowing those hormones to take over your heart can cause you to feel a connection that isn’t really there.
Number Three: Relying on “Chemistry.” Everyone has their deal-breakers, but chemistry shouldn’t be one of yours. This “chemistry” you may be feeling is really just your emotions playing with your brain to create a feeling of infatuation due to hormones. Unhealthy love patterns can be formed, and you will find yourself getting hurt over and over. While we may not always be able to distinguish why we feel a certain way about someone, it’s important not to rule out a possible partner just because you don’t feel the “chemistry.”
Number Two: Renouncing Love Because You’ve Been Hurt. If you tried a grapefruit for the first time and didn’t like it, you wouldn’t take all fruits out of your diet, would you? You would miss out on so many delicious opportunities that new fruits have to offer. The same goes for love. Just because a relationship ended with a hard crash doesn’t mean that love isn’t for you. Every person is different and will offer new experiences that will only help you to grow. When one relationship doesn’t work out, you have a whole world of people and the rest of your life to experiment and find the one that does work for you. Yes, you should take some time to yourself after a relationship has ended to avoid making hasty decisions when you are most vulnerable. However, you should use this time to reflect on what went wrong and how you can prevent that in the future. Take the time that you feel you need, but don’t take yourself out of the equation completely simply because you are afraid of making a mistake or being hurt again. Life has ups and downs, and your pain will only make yours stronger.
Number One: Overcompensating for Past Mistakes. The biggest mistake you can make in your search for love is to overcompensate for your past mistakes. Every relationship is unique and should be treated as such. For example: if a past relationship with someone whose life isn’t all together ended badly, one might jump into a relationship with someone who is more confident and distinguished. However, this person could be controlling and arrogant, so after this torment, you search for a mild-tempered partner. Then, this partner turns out to be way too nice and painfully passive, and you find yourself in a tortuous cycle of opposite ends of the dating spectrum. To steer clear of this cycle, don’t search for a certain type and don’t avoid forming a relationship just because they have tendencies of a past partner. Every person and every experience will be different and unique from your past experiences. Simply let a relationship happen naturally, and double-check yourself by asking yourself if you make a good team. There should be mutual respect as well as affection, and you should both have complementary skills and traits that work together to improve both of you as a whole.